Letting Go

One thing I have learned in my short stint as a mother is to roll with it and not be uptight. Not such an easy thing for me in some areas; I like my cupboards organized and when I reach in for something, I want to find it. I prefer toys to stay in certain areas, throw pillows to stay put, and my own timetable to be kept. Ha. That rarely, if EVER, happens in a household with kids. So I have learned to be more relaxed in certain areas. Not to say it's easy, ohhhhh no. It is far from easy. But I have learned to roll with it. When I find a toy truck in the vegetable crisper, when I reach for a mixing bowl and instead pull out a cake pan with a shoe in it... I am learning to roll with it.
One day is full of twists and turns, as it is for anyone. I don't think that in my entire existance I have experienced such twists and turns in a day, until I became a mother. I go from aggitation over my clean livingroom transforming to ultra-cluttered toy factory in under 5 minutes straight into elation at the sight of my sons sharing a toy and remembering to say "please" and "thankyou". I head from frustration at cheerios being scattered for the 6th - yes, SIXTH - time right to pure relief at realizing the apple juice has made it back to the fridge without a drop spilled. Oh yes, I am learning to roll with it. When JD asks me "what are you doing?".... even though I feel at the end of my rope if he were to ask me what I am doing one. more. time. .... I am still able to feel the wonder at how far they have come in two years. Growing so fast and speaking in sentences now, even if only Dad & I understand what they are saying.

Learning to roll with things as they happen has enabled me to enjoy the moments of joy that come so often during the day. Stressing over the inconsequential things causes one to miss those beautiful minutes. Tonight right in the middle of many 'freak out' moments that I am learning to roll with, that song "Live Like You Were Dyin'" came on the radio. I turned it up and to my suprise, the boys stopped mid-whirlwind to dance with me. The three of us danced the entire song in the kitchen, and my soul sang with joy. I realized if I had a timestamp and was living like I was dying, I would do exactly that - dance in the kitchen with my boys.
Perhaps to someone who has it all together and is calm, patient and was born with the ability to roll with it, this would all sound rather lame. I, however, don't have it all together, do not possess a natural calm and patience, and tend to get wound up if things do not go according to plan. I don't know how a 'professional' would define my mental makeup, but I have certain things that help the world around me to make sense and if they aren't in order then I unhinge alittle. Things like the silverware in the proper slots and stacked neatly. There could be dirty laundry all over the house, but if the freshly washed, neatly folded piles are tipped over I lose it. Just alittle. Things like that. Toddlers are perfect little engines for destroying laundry piles and shuffling silverware. All of this said, I am learning to roll with it, and am finding out that though it isn't easy, it is for sure well worth it. For in letting go of moments of frustration and anxiety, I have found and enjoy so many more moments of happiness.