Letting Go

One thing I have learned in my short stint as a mother is to roll with it and not be uptight. Not such an easy thing for me in some areas; I like my cupboards organized and when I reach in for something, I want to find it. I prefer toys to stay in certain areas, throw pillows to stay put, and my own timetable to be kept. Ha. That rarely, if EVER, happens in a household with kids. So I have learned to be more relaxed in certain areas. Not to say it's easy, ohhhhh no. It is far from easy. But I have learned to roll with it. When I find a toy truck in the vegetable crisper, when I reach for a mixing bowl and instead pull out a cake pan with a shoe in it... I am learning to roll with it.
One day is full of twists and turns, as it is for anyone. I don't think that in my entire existance I have experienced such twists and turns in a day, until I became a mother. I go from aggitation over my clean livingroom transforming to ultra-cluttered toy factory in under 5 minutes straight into elation at the sight of my sons sharing a toy and remembering to say "please" and "thankyou". I head from frustration at cheerios being scattered for the 6th - yes, SIXTH - time right to pure relief at realizing the apple juice has made it back to the fridge without a drop spilled. Oh yes, I am learning to roll with it. When JD asks me "what are you doing?".... even though I feel at the end of my rope if he were to ask me what I am doing one. more. time. .... I am still able to feel the wonder at how far they have come in two years. Growing so fast and speaking in sentences now, even if only Dad & I understand what they are saying.

Learning to roll with things as they happen has enabled me to enjoy the moments of joy that come so often during the day. Stressing over the inconsequential things causes one to miss those beautiful minutes. Tonight right in the middle of many 'freak out' moments that I am learning to roll with, that song "Live Like You Were Dyin'" came on the radio. I turned it up and to my suprise, the boys stopped mid-whirlwind to dance with me. The three of us danced the entire song in the kitchen, and my soul sang with joy. I realized if I had a timestamp and was living like I was dying, I would do exactly that - dance in the kitchen with my boys.
Perhaps to someone who has it all together and is calm, patient and was born with the ability to roll with it, this would all sound rather lame. I, however, don't have it all together, do not possess a natural calm and patience, and tend to get wound up if things do not go according to plan. I don't know how a 'professional' would define my mental makeup, but I have certain things that help the world around me to make sense and if they aren't in order then I unhinge alittle. Things like the silverware in the proper slots and stacked neatly. There could be dirty laundry all over the house, but if the freshly washed, neatly folded piles are tipped over I lose it. Just alittle. Things like that. Toddlers are perfect little engines for destroying laundry piles and shuffling silverware. All of this said, I am learning to roll with it, and am finding out that though it isn't easy, it is for sure well worth it. For in letting go of moments of frustration and anxiety, I have found and enjoy so many more moments of happiness.

This Time of Year

I am behind on so many posts that I won't even try to catch up. Instead, I'll take the easy way out and start from here. Today as I sit at my computer our pre-winter snow is melting, melting over the garden hose still out, the lawnmower still yet to be bled of gas and oil, the stroller though folded up still dripping with melting precipitation. I feel we were cheated out of fall, my most favorite time of year. Where are the deep azure skies? The golden leaves crunching under foot? The crisp, fresh need-a-sweater-but-not-a-coat air?? I hope with the snow gone and the temperature rising slightly, we may still have a chance at autumn.

After our wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and my husbands days off, we are back to a normal schedule today. I embrace the norm today. Normal routines are good. I enjoy having my husband at home on days off, which for us lucky people are 6 days in a row. With his schedule of 8 on, 6 off, we enjoy almost a full week of Daddy home. The boys love it, and so do I.

Yes, normal is good. The fall norm for us involves Dad's pool night every wednesday, when his team fight to rise to the top of their league. Good luck Dad!! We are behind you 100%. Also come a few birthdays - Auntie Shannon, Grandma Cindy and Great-Grandpa Dave have birthdays at the end of October. Then Grandma Haynes in November. Halloween, of course, one of my favorite nights of the year. Jon and I always carve pumpkins and watch scary movies together, but with our own little pumpkins getting older that particular tradition we'll have to alter. The boys will want to be in on the carving, and of course trick-or-treating! We have their costumes -- David will be a lion and JD will be a tiger.

I really love this time of year. So many fun things going on, and wonderful people to share them with.

Crazy Twins

I am sitting here at the computer, wanting to post on my blog because I'm long overdue, yet nothing is coming to mind. I am blank. These days leave me weary, bone-tired and braindead. When people were handing out advice while I was pregnant, why didn't someone warn me about days like this with toddlers? It seems more accurate to say 'summers' like this. The past 3 months have left me exhausted.

Before I get carried away in my complaining, I must say that I feel blessed. After all, I have two very healthy, very active little boys. I cannot believe how fast they learn, grow, and change. A couple of days ago I heard the first sentence uttered; it was JD talking to David, and he said "DD, doe to weevee, hit." Which translates in english to "David, go to the TV, hit". JD had a potato peeler in his hand, which he gave to David; David promptly walked down the hall and started smacking the TV with the peeler.

After that incident, I started paying more attention to their interaction and realized something about my boys: JD is bossy! He is often found ordering David around, to which orders David willingly complies. I have been blind; I had no idea this was going on until a couple of days ago!! Actually, I've noticed David listens to JD more than he listens to me. Or should I say, he is more obedient to JD than to me.
So the questions remain: how do I coax David out of his dependance on JD, and how do I help JD understand he needs to let David govern his own self?? On top of that, how do I get David to do what I say when JD is contradicting me? AHHHHHH!!!

Hopefully someone out there reading this post will have answers for me... I would appreciate anything you can give me!
I really am blessed though, I just need to remind myself of that more often sometimes. Even though I'm tired, I love those two little guys more than I thought was possible.

Train Birthday

Summer is almost over and my favorite season is approaching. Also approaching is the boys' 2nd birthday! As I plan the party my mind drifts back 2 years, when I was in the hospital on bedrest. Sitting in my bed, looking out the window, I marked the passing days by the change in the color of leaves, then watching them fall, more and more falling each day.
While the time in bed was slow, the past 2 years have sped by. The boys talk more and more each day, which thrills us. They are growing so fast! For their party I am planning a train theme, which they love; 'choo choo train' is one of their favorite things. I shall attempt making a train engine cake, attached to a small sheet cake with their names, candles, and "happy birthday" on it, which will also be attached to a train caboose cake. I also plan to gather a collection of cardboard boxes of various sizes, which I will decorate to be a train for the backyard; I think the boys will love to play in it.
This is so much fun, planning birthdays. I only have a few more before they will have their own ideas for the party they want, and I plan to get the most enjoyment possible out of the experience. I can already imagine the look of excitement and thrill on their faces when they look outside and see a train, just their size, that they can play in!! I will have to capture that on camera for sure.
Bringing my ideas to fruit will be my focus for the next few weeks and I can't wait to get started. :)

Happy Anniversary Honey

Tomorrow I won't be around the computer, since it is the weekend of Grandpa Surry's big Birthday Bash, so I wanted to post this today. Tomorrow is our 5th Anniversary!!!! I can't believe it's been five years since that hot, mosquito-filled wonderful day my husband and I tied the knot.

~~ I had so much fun, really enjoying every minute of our day. I felt like a princess, which is how every bride should feel, and didn't want the day to end. We had a very small wedding, only about 45 people there, and it was perfect! I thought I had scanned more wedding photos, but I only have a couple... anyway here is a glance at the past :)

~~Congratulations honey! The last five years have flown by in a wink. Here's to many, many more wonderful years! Love you :)

*** The song you hear was our wedding song ***

Summer

Oh, to be young again. The past few days some of the youngsters in our neighborhood have been running/riding bikes around, hooting and hollering in some imaginary game they were playing. It is such a nice sound to me, and brings back memories of my childhood when I ran around, hooting and hollering.
~~~ I grew up in a small town and we lived on the very edge; behind our house we had a massive garden, an alley, and then fields. Boy did I love all the imaginary games we played in that tiny corner of the world!! I did have a huge imagination, too. I was a pioneer girl weeding the garden, a super-spy navigating the alley, a ranch girl taking care of the horses in the field; there was no end to the games my brothers and I (or just me) dreamed up. I remember clearly one summer my mom cut my hair just shy of shoulder-length, and I galloped around on an imaginary horse, pretending to be She-Ra. Actually, almost any time I left the house I was playing an imaginary game, even if I was only on a small errand of getting a few onions out of the garden for supper.
~~~ Those were the days. When you are young, summer lasts forever. I will never forget some things: summer swimming passes for the town pool, treats from Fast Eddies, riding bikes to Temple Hill and back, and Lions Park. So many wonderful, carefree times.

You Should Try This

I am on my way to being a size 6, girls. Ha, well maybe not a size six, my bone structure wouldn't allow that. I am on my way to a slimmer, healthier me though. I love it. No diet for me; I believe in everything in moderation, not deprivation. But I also really want to be fit, healthy, and feel good about myself. This is how I am doing it... one day at a time. It is so awesome!! I started out at 2 miles, 4 or 5 days a week; now I am at 3 miles, 5 days a week. It feels so good! I don't see physical results yet, that will take time. But I do FEEL results; I feel more strength in my muscles, a higher energy level, and on the days I do the workout, a better, more positive attitude. Also, I have less headaches; that may be due to the fact I have glasses now, but I think it is in part due to the walking. I feel better about myself already, and that feeling grows every day I do my workout, especially if I don't feel like doing it. If I don't feel like doing it and I push myself to do the workout.... it really feels amazing!!

Try it... it is incredible :)

Here We Go!

Well I bit the bullet and on wednesday will be meeting a potential babysitter. Yikes! I am so nervous, it's almost as if I am going for a job interview. Finding the right person to basically become a part of our family, someone we will trust to take good care of the boys is stressful. But oh, having a babysitter will be so great. Not only for evenings out, but also for help during the day... having someone to take the boys to the park so I can get the bathrooms done, or the basement organized, or whatever; it will rock! Ok now I'm talking myself into getting excited, and I don't even know if this person will work out.

Once we get this babysitter chosen, then comes the process again to find the substitute babysitter! Oh boy....

What To Do?

I don't know how other Moms do it. Seriously. I really feel like I need a break, just a few hours to myself where I don't have to worry about anything on the homefront. So tonight I was searching through babysitter ads on Kijiji, and though I started out hopeful the more ads I read, the tighter my throat got. My chest tightened up, my throat... just the thought of trusting my children to someone else almost gave me a panic attack. Which is kinda ridiculous; I myself babysat in my youth for multiple families, and really enjoyed it. But now I am starting to wonder how those parents could even leave the house! I know I need my own time, time just for me to regroup and decompress. But it is so hard to even think of leaving my boys with strangers. Maybe when they are older it will be easier; but I don't want to wait that long for my time. I am going to whine now and say that I really wish I had parents or in-laws close by who could give me a regular, much needed break. And by regular, not to scare anyone off, I mean once a month. I figure if I had 4 hours to myself once a month I wouldn't get to this point. So, parents and in-laws, are you considering this wonderful city for your new home? Or am I to just bite the bullet and hire a babysitter? Maybe it will get easier after the first time...

The Chair

I am living in the Land of Tiny Hooligans. How I got here? I'm not sure... one day I had these incredibly cute babies, and then I woke up. How I found time to fall asleep in the first place, I'm not even sure. Maybe they drugged me. These guys are crazy!! They are constantly pulling the mattress off JD's bed during nap time. I can't even fathom why. Because they can, I guess?? They climb up onto anything and everything. Sometimes they fall, sometimes they don't. Pretty much they bounce off the walls. Now, this may sound like complaining... but really it's not. It's my attempt at humorously relaying their antics. These little guys make me laugh every day with the silly things they do. It's hard to think of them a babies anymore. But once in awhile...


The past few nights they have been waking up scared in the night. So I have enjoyed a few moments lately when they still seem like babies, rocking in our chair. I nearly had Daddy take the chair out of their room; nighttime feedings have been over for a long, long time and it just seems to clutter the room. Plus I figured Dad could use it as an ultra-comfy place to sit while watching UFC. But then something happened; we entered the stage of waking at night scared. For some reason these two won't go back to sleep in our bed (which may or may not be lucky for us), so rocking in the chair it is. I get to snuggle, smell their hair, squeeze them, sing to them, kiss their cheeks, dry their tears, and rock the scaries away. I love every minute of it, even though it means I don't get to snuggle into bed and drift off myself.


So even though our days are filled with me chasing them, them laughing and running away; me putting back together everything they take apart; them constantly putting their feet on the table at mealtime and climbing on everything in sight..... once in awhile nighttime is a treasure.