Same Old Stuff

Yesterday I received a forward in my inbox; the questionnaire kind that we all receive many versions of. In this one, there was the typical question ~ what scares you the most? ~ to which I usually answer 'clowns'. Clowns do terrify me, for reasons unknown to me at this time (and will probably remain unknown until I move on from this life and it all becomes clear). Unless maybe I undergo hypnosis and the story comes out that way. I don't know.

For some reason, while clowns do terrify me, I answered this question with 'my kids not living long, fulfilling, happy lives'. I sat at the screen and wondered where that came from. Then I realized that while the thought of a clown in my personal space causes me to hyperventilate and a cold sweat to come over my body, my eyes searching for a way to escape.... I am totally terrified of my kids not living long, full lives. What mother/parent isn't??? As I look at my beautiful sons with wonder, adoration and love, the possibility that they may not doesn't even cross my mind. Or so I thought.

I then thought ahead to all that awaits my boys. First day of school. First best friend. First fall off the bike. Then skip ahead to all the other firsts that come later on in their lives. Oh, I love these boys so much!! I don't know how to do this. Then I realize this is another fear of mine; not knowing how to parent older boys and deal with all the world will throw at them. This scares me. I guess I'll take it day by day, like I do now. What else can I do? Day by day it is then.

After pondering this for a bit, I realized something important. I am over-thinking this. I over-think alot of stuff, and worry in circles until I am certain they are coming for me. For now I will keep the terror of clowns, and everything else that strikes fear in me. The list isn't long, but it is interesting. At least to me. I won't dwell on the future, just do my very best today. That's all I can do. That, and be thankful for everything I have.

Cuties Update

David was shut out of the playroom when his brother closed the door! Poor guy...

Playing with the MANY toys!

Balloon!! Or as David says.."baba!"

Yummy munchies!

"look how cute I am!!"

What's new with my two??? They are CLIMBING MACHINES!!! Luckily we don't have any furniture that is high, so their climbing is limited. But I did have to lower their high chairs to the floor after David climbed to the top, with one foot on the arm rest and one knee on the top (of the back) of the chair. He also tries to climb onto the window sill from the chair. How many times have I had my heart thrust up into my throat, lungs empty of breath as I let these two explore??? They can't see the dangers that I can so they are fearless.

JD climbs too, on anything he can. I want a book shelf, badly, but I can see JD and David scaling it. To the top. And so I will wait until they are a little older, and more interested in climbing trees than furniture. There are indoor playgrounds with climbing walls, and soon I will take these two on an adventure there. I'm certain they will love it!!

David likes to be held alot, a not-so-new development that has increased in frequency. It's like he takes a break from playtime to come over and request a hug. So sweet, even if the frequency of it gets to me some times. JD likes to be held when he is tired, closer to bed time. When he is ready to sleep, that is when he likes the comfort of Mom's arms around him.

Yesterday I separated the sectional and placed a blanket over the opening, to create a tent. The boys loved it!! They crawled in, and I went to hide. David and JD would come looking for me, and once I was found I would chase them back into the tent. The boys were laughing and squealing the whole time, loving every minute of it. It was so much fun to get on the floor and play with my guys.

Today, David brought me the blanket and proceeded to the place where the sectional comes together, trying to push it apart. I guess I made my bed with that one!!!!!

So Sorry

I am so confuzed right now. I guess I figured most people want honesty, and of course we are all entitled to our own opinions. I have lost some dear friends in my lifetime because I gave my honest opinion of whatever current situation there was at the time. This confuzes me because if I wasn't a real friend, wouldn't I just state whatever was expected of one to say in agreement?? Isn't a true friend someone who can honestly state their own opinion, aside from the friendship?

Perhaps I am WAY off base though. Maybe it was and is a question of tact, and concern for others' feelings that I should have given heed to. Perhaps stating an honest opinion isn't what is always needed, but consideration for the others' position. It is possible to disagree and remain friends.

With that said, I want to sincerely apologize to my friend. I was trying to give an honest opinion, but now realize it wasn't what was needed. I lost sight of the emotions conveyed while I was given to the shock of the chosen words. Reading over my comment I can see it as accusatory now. I, however, do NOT accuse my friend of something that aweful. I know she is not!! I understand where you are coming from, and I can appreciate your position on this. Please accept my apology.

Random thoughts of a Saturday

I couldn't sleep very well last night...my mind just wouldn't turn off. Here are some random thoughts that kept me up and occupied my mind this morning too.

~will the snow ever melt? I know it's only January, but for the first time ever I am already turning my mind to spring. I'm ready for tulups, grass, birds and warm rain.

~is David's mean streak something I need to seriously worry about? Or will it pass? When told "no" or having something taken from him, he will hit himself. Recently he has started hitting others as well. I don't know how to deal with this...

~next week. Tests for a loved one and the results could be drastic. Do I have the strength to help others through a rough time? While dealing with my own heartache? Do I have what it takes? For that matter, what am I made of? No wait, that is a dangerous worry; one should never wonder what they are made of. There's only one way to find out.

~weight loss. I need to shape up!! Just quit whining about it already and DO SOMETHING about it! For me that is the hardest part. But with two active boys who will be running this summer, let's face it. I need to be able to run. Fast.

~Cultivating family relationships. I miss my family! I definately need to make more of an effort to see them.

~heat vents.....I wonder if there is a special adhesive for these covers. They are giving me an eye twitch!! Well, not the covers, the amount of times I have to replace them after the boys remove them. I place the cover over the vent, deeply hoping that an object hasn't been carefully stashed away down there in the minute the cover was off. I don't want to permanently fix them, for cleaning reasons, but any kind of tape is out. The boys peel it and eat it.

~nutrition. Please eat little babies, please eat!! I worry so much with this picky eating, dumping on the floor phase. Articles read that I'm not supposed to overcompensate with milk because they won't be hungry next mealtime. But HELLO!! Their little bellies need SOMETHING!!!! So does my sanity. I need to know they are not hungry. You know, there really SHOULD be a manual for motherhood!!!!

There are many more, which details I shall spare you, and the circle just keeps going round. For now, a hot shower and housework. Later, friends!

My Husband Rocks Fridays

This week the inspiration for My Husband Rocks is a questionnaire....some questions were easier than others to answer and some were harder. Some answers I'm not sure I want to share!! But I will.



1. Where did you meet? We met on a blind date, set up by our friends.



2. How long did you date before you were married? We dated for 4 years before we married. And by 'dated', I mean lived together (to be totally honest...)



3. What does he do that surprises you? watches a girlie movie with me when I know he'd rather be watching Ultimate Fighting. It surprises me because it only happens out of the blue when I least expect it, then doesn't happen again for a long, long time. That's what makes it so sweet!



4. What is your favorite quality of his? Definately his gentleness. He has a gentle soul.



5. What is your favorite feature of his? His striking blue eyes, and his smile. His eyes draw me in, and his smile pales the sun.



6. Does he have a nickname for you? yes, he sure does. :)



7. What is his favorite food? meat and potatoes.



8. What is his favorite sport? Hockey. Specifically the NHL.



9. When and where was your first kiss? it was in a crowded pub, but we might have been the only 2 people in there



10. What do you like to do together? watch great movies, watch people, and talk about our kids (in no particular order). Before we had kids, our favorite thing to do was take last minute, all night drives to visit his family one province over. It was amazing to just pack a bag and go, then drive through the mountains all night.



11. Do you have any children? yes, we have 2 terrific little boys



12. Does he have a hidden talent? I believe so; I tasted a delicious lasagna that he made, and if I knew he could cook I would have handed him that job a LONG time ago!!



13. Who said "I love you" first? I said it first.



14. What is his favorite type of music? He likes rock, especially 80's & 90's.



15. What do you admire most about him? The thing I admire most about him is his work ethic. And his honesty.



16. Do you think he will read this? he might read it eventually....



So there it is... questions answered. Thinking of his faves is bringing a smile to my face!! I love this man so much. He is my partner, my best friend, my confidant, and I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Bedhead and Bananas

These pictures were taken after their nap, when JD had the cutest bedhead ever.

The rate infants change while becoming toddlers is INSANE!! It seems every day there is something new with one or both boys. JD is an excellent little walker now, which is a blast. They have fun walking around the house. I have fun chasing them! We started a form of Hide 'n Seek....I make sure they see me take off in some direction, then crouch down somewhere. They love to come and find me, and squeal with delight when I jump out and scare them. The boys also like corners for some reason...they like to find little nooks and sit in them.

Books are an increasing hit with the boys. Now they will actually listen to me read and point to the pictures. I get them involved more, like pointing to a dog and saying "what does a doggy say?". I constantly ask them if they can say different words. David likes to answer...sometimes his rendition actually sounds like the word!! JD rarely answers, and I am trying very, VERY hard to not be concerned by this. He has always taken to new things in his own time, so I will have patience for now.

David just started to follow me to the bathroom a couple of days ago...he will sit outside until I am finished. After JD sees him sitting there waiting for me, he will sit down too. I seriously thought I had another 6 months before THAT started!!! I should be used to it. The dog has been doing it for 4 years. :l

After weeks of giving them toast with different meals, the boys finally ate some today. I had no idea it takes that long for toddlers to try certain foods....I guess I figured as soon as they were given solids it would be like "oh YEah!!" but no. It's not. Their fave foods include yogurt, bananas, oatmeal, cream of wheat, muffins (especially bran), cheese, lasagna, and hamburgers. Of course, like all toddlers, they love to make a mess. And I love to watch them investigate textures and tastes! I just wish they would eat more...

Back Again

Wow, it has been awhile!! I have missed reading my favorite blogs! I don't know what happened; I tried to log on one day and the computer wouldn't let me..... but the problem is fixed now and YAY, I can go on blogger again!!

We had a great Christmas as expected. Family, food, fun....it was wonderful to see our loved ones and celebrate Christmas. New Years Eve was not great; we spent the evening in Emergency. To make a long story short, it wasn't as bad as it could have been (as bad as we thought it was), and David seems to be much better now. My poor little guy. Now I have seen both my boys with an IV splint on their wrists before the age of 16 months. I really don't care to see it again!!

Time is sure flying by. This new year brings new possibilities and new adventures! LET'S GO, I'm ready!!