I have this friend, a wonderful friend, the kind of friend who is always there when I need someone to talk to or laugh with. She is amazing, helping any one of her friends or family members who need it, very giving and understanding. We have children close in age and our husbands work together, so we have much in common, and get together often.
The other night my friend and I got our families together for dinner as we do sometimes. When dinner was ready I did what I always do, which was load up a plate for Jonny. My friend looked at me and said "What are you doing? You aren't serving your husband, are you?!?!"
She has on other such occasions seen me serve Jon and always has the same outburst. Also at her birthday party she was talking with her work friends about how they never serve their husbands, how their husbands have 2 hands and can dish themselves... their words weren't as nice as that though. I stayed silent. Every time the subject is brought up I stay silent because ladies with that opinion just do not understand ladies with my opinion.
Anyway on this night I decided I wasn't going to just be the butt of the joke anymore. I replied, "Yes, I always serve my husband." To which she said "Why? It's not like they deserve being waited on hand and foot."
My answer? I said that I feel it's a token of love and respect to serve my husband dinner. Can he get his own plate? Of course. Does it debase me to get his dinner for him? No. I do it out of love and respect, and I don't feel it makes me a slave, or demoralized. I actually think it shows strength in a woman, to lovingly serve her husband. By the way, he doesn't demand it of me either, even after being served his dinner for so many years. He accepts my caring gesture just as graciously as it is offered.
My friend stared at me like I was an alien. Then stated that she doesn't, and will never, serve her husband. My heart-felt explanations fell on deaf ears.
I ask you, whoever might read this rambling blog, what is your opinion on the subject? Leave a comment, let me know.
2 comments:
If it is done out of love and respect, I see no problem with it. If he "demands" that you do it, that's where I have an issue. If you love someone, the natural instinct is to serve them in whatever way possible. I think that what you are doing is kind and sweet and you should keep on doing it.
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i agree with you, it's not a duty to serve your husband's plate at dinner. I serve all the plates - my kids, my hubby and my dad (who's staying with us at the moment) i don't have a problem with it and those who do, well might need to re-assess their values. it seems very cold to me to not want to give to your family and loved ones. anyways that's just my ramblings on this issue.
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