Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Basics of Being a Mother...or a Person
I have a big problem. Well, to me it is a big problem. To the world...I don't think it would rate up there with world hunger and war crimes. However in my tiny corner of the world, it is very real and very big. I need a zipper. If not a zipper, a miracle. I need to unzip my skin and step into something alittle thicker. You see, after all these years I am still an incredibly shy person. I cannot just start up a conversation with anyone; I can talk comfortably if engaged in conversation, and once in a while I can continue a discussion...but if no one makes the first move, I will just sit there uncomfortably for the duration. The problem??? I have kids now. My boys need socialization; they need to get together with other kids and learn how to play fair, share, and all the other good stuff that comes from being around other children. That, and I don't want them to end up painfully shy like me. There is a play group in my town that I have been to once, and if it weren't for my friend I would've just sat like a bump on a log. I don't know how she does it...she will just start talking to anyone. And because of it she has friends all over. This shyness and fear of opening up to people has me boycotting the playgroup that my sons would benefit from tremendously. How selfish of me!! But I just don't know what to do. I have tried to open up and just talk...but I freeze. I can't think of anything to say to start a conversation. This is day one stuff, the basics of being a person in society. I should be able to talk to other people!! Take school for example; when my boys are in school I will have parent-teacher meetings, mommy-helper days, game days, etc. where generally parents talk to eachother. Normal people talk, it's natural. What's wrong with me!! I need to kick this shyness to the curb now or it will rule me forever.